Saturday, June 1, 2013

March 12, 2013

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Today is my 25th birthday.  People keep asking me what I want for my birthday, and all I want is you.  I just want to see you, hold you, and love on you.  Your mom sent me a picture of you today, and it's amazing how much have grown in just 2 weeks!  You are so cute and adorable!  You're such a precious blessing!  I miss you soo much!  You are always on my mind and always in my thoughts and prayers.  It's so hard to put into words the way I feel.  There's a huge hole and void in my heart from being without you.  Outside of God's love for us, there is no love as intense as the love you feel for your child.  NOTHING compares to and it cannot be adequately expressed in words or explained.  

Not having you with me-being your mom but not your mommy (there is a difference)- breaks my heart.  On the flip side, I'm so happy for you.  You have 2 families that flipping love and adore and will go to battle for you and take care of you!  You are so blessed with so much love and support.  You will have so many opportunities in life!  I'm glad you will have that.  It still hurts though-knowing I won't be your comfort, who you go to for advice, or when you are scared or sad or happy.  It hurts to know I wasn't the best thing/person/mom for you.  That pain and that void will never fully go away.  I will always see you as partly mine.  I may not get to raise you or see you everyday, but you will always be a huge part of my life and my heart; daily I think about you and miss you.  I can't wait until I can see you again!  I will cherish every moment I get with you. 

You are so amazing!  You are the love of my life!  You are my world!  Thankfully Jesus has given me peace and is slowly healing my heart.  I will always feel some type of pain from not having been able to keep you, but God has made it bearable.  I know this was His will and it will somehow bring glory to His name.  I know you have a big calling on your life and His hand is upon you.  I love you and I miss you!  You are a precious blessing-never forget that!

Love Always,


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