Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Coping With the What-Ifs

So on my list of the hardest parts of adoption, a part from, of course just being without Brody, number three is the following:

3. The what-ifs and could have beens.

I finally got a good full-time job right at the end of my maternity leave.  Part of me was screaming inside like really?  NOW I could provide for him-it would be hard, but I could.  This isn't fair.  I should have waited... All of those thoughts will go through your mind.  Later on in life, as you become more independent and successful, you wonder if you should have stuck it out. You wonder if the struggle for a few years would have been okay, because maybe you would be able to make up for it later.

Picture from onproductmanagement.net

First of all, you can't dwell on these things; they will break you down so fast.  And you don't know how things would have turned out.  Realistically, even with this job I couldn't provide well for Brody and I; daycare alone would kill me.  We would be living with my family for most of his life.  That wouldn't be a quality life for him.  It would be a struggle just to get by, much less be able to afford for him to play sports and do other fun stuff all children should have the opportunity to do. 

Second of all, the biggest way I cope with this is the fact that I know I was in God's will.  What if I did keep him, and we did survive, and even excell, but because he didn't have a father he became a womanizer?  That would be so sad.  And I would have to live with the fact that it was because I was selfish, and didn't want to obey God.  I'm not saying I don't think single mothers should raise their children, but I am saying that was one of my biggest convictions.  God designed families the way he did for a reason.  It's a 2 person job, and it requires the strengths of a man and the strengths of a woman.  They are so different, but together, its perfect.  I understand things happen, and sometimes you have to raise a child on your own, but in this particular situation, I don't know why, but is was absolutely required that Brody have a mother and a father.

Knowing that the what-ifs would end in destruction for Brody if I would have kept him give me peace for this.  I just know that I can't expect prosperity in disobedience.  I am not willing to risk Brody's soul for my selfishness.

For every person coping with this is different, because everyone decides on adoption for different reasons and has different convictions.  But you just have to trust your decision, trust the adoptive family, and trust God.  Don't dwell on what you can't change.  It will poison your heart and take your joy.

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