March 01, 2013

 

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Sweet Baby Brody,

Today we were discharged from the hospital and you went home with your new family and I went home without you.  It is the first day I have been without you since May (although for most of that time you were in my belly).  It is crazy how many mixed emotions I have right now.  On the one hand, my heart is very sad.  I have so much love for you.  I love you more than any other person in the world!  I love you more than I ever thought you could love another human being.  Because of how much I love you, I miss you so much!  I want you here with me in my arms.  I miss the cute little noises and faces you make.  I miss watching you eat and sleep.  I miss seeing you suck in your bottom lip and then poke both lips out; it's so cute and funny the little things that you do and you are only 2 days old!  More than anything, I miss holding you, kissing you, hugging you, and looking at you and into your beautiful eyes!  You are my pride and joy and I completely adore you.  There will never be a day that goes by that I won't love you, think about you, miss you, pray for you, or be willing to do anything for you.  You will always be a part of me and you will always have my heart.  Nothing will ever change that.  I hope you understand how true that is.

As sad as I am to be without you I am also happy for you.  Unfortunately, I cannot take care of you the way you deserve.  You are EVERYTHING to me, so I want THE ABSOLUTE BEST for you!  So, I hand-picked a family to give you to so that they could give you all the things I couldn't.  It was the hardest choice I have ever or will ever have to make in my life-But I knew that if I really love you, it would be selfish to keep you.  It was definitely a God thing; I knew they were the perfect parents for you immediately-and to this day, I still know they were the rights ones to pick!  And the icing on the cake: they already had a son, so you were also getting a big brother!  He loves you soo much!  He was so excited to meet you and hold you!  And it was soo sweet-you started crying and he immediately starting singing to you to make you feel better.  That just confirmed how meant to be this was!  It was so great seeing him with you for the first time today!  It is very clear how much he loves you!  I'm sure you boys will have your share of fights, but ultimately I know you will have a great relationship!

But anyway, back to your parents.  My biggest concern for you is your salvation-I want so many things for you-but number one on that list is a strong relationship with Christ.  I know they will raise you in a Godly home.  They don't just claim to be Christians, but they live out Godly lives with Godly, biblical standards.  It's comforting to know you will be raised being taught the truth.  Secondly, they can meet your needs.  Money isn't everything, but financially I couldn't support you and take care of you.  They are financially secure enough that you won't ever have to worry about anything.  It's amazing how well our families clicked and how well the personalities matched!  I am so happy to know that you are going to grow up in a loving and fun environment with lots of laughter and happiness.  I have no doubt that you will be taken care of, loved, prayed over, taught right, rejoiced with, cried with; you have a family that will help you in times of need, and they will hurt when you hurt.  You will always be supported and have plenty of people to lean on when things are hard.  I am also very grateful that they are allowing me to be in your life!  I can't see you often-But I will cherish every second I get with you!  I can't wait for the next time I see you!  I love you so much!  I hope you realize how great it is you are loved by so many people!  You have two families that adore you!  That's so wonderful!  I hope you know how loved you are and how much of a blessing you are!  The world became a better place on 02.27.13 when you were born.  My world became better for sure.  I hope and pray everyday that you know I love you and that I DID WANT YOU; I just wasn't what YOU needed.  I hope you know you are the love of my life.  I wills always be here for you and I love you so much!

Love always,

Your Birth-mother, Kadie